Oh Chewy, You Rascal!

Bellingham Sneak Preview

I had one drunken, wild ass time this past weekend up in Bellingham. I'll write and put a bunch more photos in the very near future.

But for now, I think these two sum up the weekend adventures nicely. We spread our pussies in front of The Beaver Inn. Let me repeat that. . ."We spread out pussies in front of The Beaver Inn!"



Note Tim's use of the "jazz hands" for spreading, Jewelry's wide open gaper, and Joey's famous "two finger spread" technique.



Went for the old "squat and spread" here. I wonder how the older gentleman walking up in the background feels about my vaginal separation skills?

Fuck The Phone!

It's been brought to my attention recently that I'm terrible at answering my phone and calling people back. This is apparently because I'm "too cool," for all of my old friends and "don't have time" for them anymore.

And you know what? They're absolutely right. Unfortunately with my newly found level of popularity, I've had to hired Judy, a personal assistant, to screen all of my calls. She then evaluates the importance, and significance of the person, then selects who has the privilege of speaking to me. So, sorry to all of you out there that don't hear back from me right away - blame it on Judy!

Doctor Allen, Paging Doctor Allen. . .

After I finished my phD in molecular biology, I began to study the components of avian bird flu at the Institute for Systems Biology

Man, I love this Guy!

Nothing turns me on more than people leaving comments on my blogs. I really like the fact that folks take time out of their busy day to not only read my blog, but to leave insightful comments about what they've seen. The recent champ of commenting is my dear old buddy "CJ" AKA "Cow Juice" AKA "Cock Jabber." Just check out some of these gems he's left me lately:

"If you want to buy any of the above domain names they are now available. I own them all. Just name your price."

"Why don't you blog about how you didn't come to my birthday party because you were planning on going to Durant's wedding and then how you ditched out on that too. That would be a good one."

"who cares"

"Dr? More like Veterinarian. You are just trying out your new horse tranquilizer solution before you go on a horse effing spree!!!
Can i go?"

"im somehow jealous i was not there. (no homo)"

What a witty, class clown this guys is!



Oh my god, look at that beard. I understand he lives in Humboldt, and "excessive hairyness" is all the rage, but jesus, he looks like a bald, Irish, Osama Bin Laden!

Love ya "TJ!"

Four Legged Friends. . .With Benefits!

Now, I am seriously not a bestiality connoisseur, but if I were I would most def start a web site entitled "Four Legged Friends. . .With Benefits!" I would lure people into the site by showing cutesy photos of various puppies and their names.



"SUNSHINE"

Now imagine this, here's the whole online experience - you go to the site and see a photo of this smiling, happy little fella named "Sunshine." You click on his photo for "more info," and SURPRISE, you get a bunch of shots of "Sunshine" mounting various women in all sorts of positions. When finished, Sunshine is awarded a big, heaping bowl of Alpo, and a nice scratch on the back of his neck.



Gretch with "Roman."

On a related note, my friend Gretchen at one point posted a photo of her with a big ass dog named "Roman." Of course this was a completely innocent photo, but I decided to leave a comment, "This is a good "rear mount" shot. They don't call it "doggy-style" for nothing!" For some reason this inspired her to create a whole album entitled, "Just for Big Moosey." Please, give it a look!



My original comment here was, "DUDE! This photo should seriously go on dogsonblondes.com It looks like you're completely naked and the dog is about to mount you! Word." I would now like to update it by saying it should go on "drunkenblondesandtheenormousdogsthatlovethem.com"

"Name's Randy, but everybody calls me Freakshow."

"Thanks for helping us out."

(long, silent pause)

"I seen you two stranded out there alone in the dark, and I said to myself...What would Jesus do?"

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Well, at least this guy doesn't bullshit you. . .it really is just a big fucking pile of junk.

Saturday Night Drunk Club

Tell me, have you ever had one of these nights? You start by sipping beers in the backyard while BBQing. You get a wild hair up your ass and decide to go out to a bar to see friends and listen to a couple of mediocre bands.

The bar closes, and somehow it seems like a good idea to go "High School style" and drink in an alley. You decide you want to start a weekly "Drunk Club" where you meet up with your friends every Saturday night at 2 AM with an 18 pack of Pabst, stand around in an alley and be drunken idiots. You start a new "game" called "piss foot fighting." You stand in a puddle of piss, then drunkenly flail karate kicks with your piss-soaked foot. This game is so much fun you begin singing "everyone was piss foot fighting" (to the tune of "Kung Fu Fighting).

You end up back at your house and go for the mandatory 3 AM drunk munchies run to Jack in the Box. You come back to the house, drink more and talk absolute nonsense. One of your guests decides it's sleepy time and strips down to his boxers. The other guest argues that HE gets the extra bed, and strips down to his boxers and joins the aforementioned guest in bed. You begin taking photos laughing uncontrollably, and force your guests into "compromising" positions. Then you decided to wake up your roommate with a sexy underwear dance. The roommate is less than thrilled, then goes back to sleep. You finally call it a night, and pass out in about two seconds. So tell me, my friend, have you ever had one of these nights?

I personally haven't had a night this wild in months, quite possibly years. Every once in a while it feels good to "blow off some steam" and really cut loose. . .and believe me, I was loose. What today seemed immature, stupid, and dangerous, last night seemed fun, important and belly aching hilarious.



"Let's just cuddle, we don't have to take this too fast."



"Do that trick with your mouth again, it feels soooo good."



"You cheated on me? You whore, I hate you! No, I love you. Take me back, I miss you so!"

At the request of the individuals in these photographs, their identities have been kept anonymous. One of the young men is married, the other is considering a run for state Senate. The repercussions of scandalous photos such as these could be devastating!

Let's Play The Name Game!

Here's my three favorite names (so far) of employees at my new job:



BONG KIM: A short, nerdy Scientist. I see him around in the hall, and really empasize his name when I say hello. . ."hi there BONG!"



RYAN HANDCOCK: Haven't actually met this dude, but I like that his last name is "HANDcock," as opposed to the much more common "Hancock."



JEI LUO: Another Asian guy. The first time I delivered packages, I asked, "so how do you pronounce your name?" Sure enough, it's straight up J-Lo.