Saturday, July 31, 2010

VOTE GOOD SPACE GUY 2010!!!

While thumbing through my Washington State voter's pamphlet yesterday, I came across a candidate for the office of U.S. Senate named "GoodSpaceGuy." Seriously, that's it - he's had his name legally changed to "GoodSpaceGuy." Upon reading his bio, he mentions some of his qualifications; "Nonsmoking, nondrinking, prosperous, healthy Goodspaceguy."


Goodspaceguy looking like some type of child molesting high school principal

Oh, but it gets better. Basically he's campaigning on an agenda that we should be colonizing space, creating orbiting space stations around Earth, the moon and Mars. I thought a little about this, and he's got a very good point - instead of wasting billions of dollars in the Middle East fighting skirmishes we shouldn't have been involved in in the first place, we could be increasing NASA's funding and seeing if orbital colonization is a viable option.

Goodspaceguy is also a huge advocate of employment and job creation, especially for the homeless. He wants homeless people to work in state parks and in the library for minimum wage - it would allow libraries to be open more hours. HA!

More importantly, Goodpsaceguy is absolutely bat shit crazy, and I love him for that. I also love that in our country literally ANYONE can run for public office.


"Mike The Mover" looking like a stoned sheep herder

There's another guy named "Mike The Mover" running for the same seat as Goodspaceguy. Mike The Mover's rambling statement in the pamphlet included references to Wall Street executives vacationing at "Disney World & White Sulfur Springs." He also talks about Americans wasting money on "boob jobs."


Goodspaceguy's rambling, barely coherent closing statements in an interview on PBS.

Jesus Christ, can we please set up a debate between these two guys?

Friday, July 30, 2010

Me and My Advisor: Episode II: Return of The Teacher

The following short story is very loosely based on true events relayed to me by a close friend. This piece serves as the sequel to the original written about a year ago. I was so excited and inspired upon hearing this tale I had no choice but to imagine the events of the evening written in a format that could be submitted to Penthouse Forum. Enjoy.



Ever since my hot and wild encounter last Summer with my adviser "Brian," I've often thought of our night of wild and passionate sex. I'll often see him around the Western campus and flash him a sly, knowing smile which he returns. You see, with his status as a tenured professor and me being a student our sexual relations would be greatly frowned upon, and possibly be grounds for his termination. I had given up hope of more raw, nasty sex when I happened to see Brian in the quad one day. He came up to me and put a note in my hand, pretending to shake it. "You looking for some more deep dick action? Call me tonight," it read.

I arrived at Brian's around 7. During our brief phone conversation, he informed me that his kids were visiting and he wanted to cook some chicken fettuccine and have a low key evening at home. As it was not really alright for us to be seen in public together, dinner at his place sounded perfect.

I had brought a bottle of wine, and because I was slightly nervous ended up drinking most of the bottle myself while we sat and casually chatted and ate. After dinner we cleaned up and retired to the den where we watched "Shrek 2" with Brian's two little girls, Rose and Sierra. At this point it was about nine, and Brian said, "looks like it's about time for you girls to hit the sack." After a little complaining and whining we tucked the girls in and returned to the den. We chatted and caught up while drinking more wine and listening to some classical music. It was Mozart, I think.

"You know Joanna I've thought a lot about you ever since we had that one fuck fest," Brian said. I smiled and blushed, feeling the area between my legs beginning to get moist. "No one has to know about this, and the fact that it's forbidden makes it that much more appealing in my eyes," he continued. His hand gently began stroking my inner thigh while I stared longingly into my eyes. "I want you so fucking bad," he exclaimed. "What about your kids?," I replied. I don't want to wake them up." "They can sleep through anything, don't worry," he said in a reassuring tone.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was helpless to his advances. Brian leaned in and begin lightly kissing my neck, all the while slowly inching his hand up to my eager beaver. He quickly pulled my t-shirt off and unhooked my bra. "Suck on my nipples," I pleaded. Brian obliged and gently teased my hard nips with flicks of his tongue. I leaned down and opened his fly, pulling out his hard throbbing member. As you may remember from last time, blow jobs are my specialty, and my mouth worked his cock like I was a desperate whore. "Bend me over this couch and fuck my little pussy," I heavily panted, temporarily forgetting the sleeping children. Brian didn't hesitate one second, yanking my short Summer skirt up and hastily pulling aside my cute blue thong. His dick entered me and I let out a cry. "Oh god yeah, that feels good. Stretch out my little pussy," I said. He started out slow, then worked up to a frantic pace, pummeling my twat as I fought the urge to scream.

Suddenly, Brian had one thrust that was a little too hard, and managed to knock me over the back of the couch. I fell into a heap, too caught up in the moment to feel any type of pain. I lay on my back for only a second before Brian literally jumped over the couch, landed on top of me and re-entered his dick, all in one swift motion. I couldn't take any more, and yelled out, "god. . .yeah. . .fuck me. . .I'm gonna cum!!!" Brian slammed my eager hole with reckless abandon as I felt my whole body shudder with orgasm. I had completely forgotten about the sleeping children at this point and was making a deep, howling sound like a wolf. "Oh fuck yeah, I'm going to cum too," Brian blurted out. He pulled out of my wet snatch and let his seed spray all over my face. It tasted deliciously salty, and felt so warm and good.

I looked at Brian, smiled and said "I think I really want to earn more extra credit. . .maybe we can work on a project together weekly." "Well you've certainly earned high marks on this 'research project'," he replied. We both giggled and embraced, exhausted from the rough living room romp.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Goat Yelling In English!



Man, I didn't know Goats knew how to speak English, man! It sounds like he's yelling "Mom, Mom, Mom!" If this was my goat I would teach him to scream "Fuck me in the goat ass! Arrrggggghhhhhh!"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Engrish is Funny!



Today at work I received an "auto response" e-mail from a coworker that is on vacation and happens to be of the Asian persuasion. The e-mail read:

"Min take vacation until April 23 Re: delivery attempt"

I love when Asian interpretation of English is just slightly off like this. I often go shopping at "HT Market" near my house, which caters to a lot of Asian and "ethnic" groceries. Same thing there, the instructions on imported products will be in English, but totally incorrect.

There's also a great site that features exclusively fucked up Asian-English translations called Engrish Funny. I don't know what do you think, is this better than Accidental Dong?

Monday, July 26, 2010

Jack White Needs Some Sun



At the risk of turning into "Perez Hilton," I thought it would be fun to make fun of celebrities on my blog from time to time. I saw The Dead Weather on Sunday at The Capitol Hill Block Party and couldn't help but notice how pale Jack White is. Jesus, what's wrong with him? Is he shooting drugs? Afraid of the sun? He looks like a cross between Edward Scissorhands and Michael Jackson. His music is pretty excellent, though. It was cool to see him drumming in The Dead Weather.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

That Baby's Gonna Blow. . .Take Cover



I stumbled upon this "car artwork" this weekend while walking around on Seattle's beautiful waterfront. It was funny to me that there were so many tourists passing by, with families, older folks, etc. I'd like to meet the person who did this drawing. I like to think that it was a random fella that goes around drawing dicks on cars all over town. Hell, maybe it's the kid from the movie Superbad. HA!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Double Rainbow Ecstasy



By now, I expect a good number of you have already seen this "viral clip." When I first saw this early last week it had something like 300,000 views on YouTube. As I am posting this 6 days later it has almost 3.5 million views. Holy shit!

"It's so bright! Oh my God, it's so bright and vivid! It's so beautiful! What does this mean?"

What can I say though? I absolutely love this. I like how he is genuinely moved by the beauty of the rainbow. The last time I became this emotional was when I saw "Hot Tub Time Machine" in the theater. Boo yah!

World's Best Designated Driver



This is a photo from last Friday when I was "designated driver." Please note I have a beer in each hand, and one in front of me.

Like they say, "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."

81 Days From Now


Sonic Youth at The Fillmore in January. I took this photo!


Pavement at Sasquatch! Festival the last weekend of May. I took this photo!

It's only been six months since I've seen Sonic Youth and less than two months since I saw Pavement, but I am counting down the days until I head to Vegas. For those of you keeping track (and I think that only includes me, and maybe Bagel), there are exactly 81 days until I will be living out my rock and roll fantasies.

The Ben Allen & Max Rebo Experience



I'm looking to start a new band with Max Rebo. You may remember him as the leader of the “alien pop music band” that performed exclusively in-house for crime lord Jabba the Hutt. You know, the blue elephant guy.

If you have any contact information for him, or know his manager, please let me know know ASAP.