Make Toilet Fun Time

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the toilets and fun, unconventional ways to use them. Why just stand and piss and sit and shit when there are so many unexplored positions and options out there. Here's a few I've been thinking about:



Number One. "THE UPPER DECKER."

AS you can tell from the diagram above, this is where you take off the toilet lid, rest your feet on the bowl and shit into the upper chamber of the toilet. You normally want to do this at someone's house that you really despise, as it will eventually start to rot and fester and smell something awful. After dropping this one on your unexpecting victim, it's fun to call them up the next day and say something like, "hey I was thinking about stopping by later, I think I left some shit at your house." Then hang up.



Number Two. "THE A.C. SLATER"

If you're as big of a fan of "Saved By The Bell" as I am, you know A.C. was a huge fan of sitting reverse in his seat. Whether grubbing down at The Max, or in class at Bayside, A.C. would always swing the chair around backwards, then plop on down. I've recently learned that if you're feeling daring, you can rock this same technique on the toilet. The only extra hassle is that you have to take your pants all the way off to avoid making a mess. The upside is you can use the toilet's lid as a table, arm rest, or a silky smooth surface for railing out coke.



Number Three. "THE DOG"

This one is a little more complex. First, you'll want to put down a towel on the bathroom floor. Then, lay down completely on your side at around 3 to 4 feet from the toilet. Unzip, and let a strong surge of urine fly, seeing if you can make it all the way to the bowl. The key here is to really lift your leg high, doggy style. This can also be turned into a fun game with friends to see who can make it in the furthest away.

Number Four. "The UPPER DECKER BLUMPKIN A.C. SLATER"

This is the holy grail of all toilet positions. If you can pull this one off, you're a god in my eyes. It takes a set of partners, so you better have a girl/boyfriend that is feeling a little "adventurous." The male takes a crap in the top part of the toilet while carefully balancing (using the wall is always smart). The female does the A.C. Slater while performing oral on the aforementioned male. So, what we're talking about here is simultaneous shitting with a little oral pleasure thrown in. How sexy is that? If anyone can show me video evidence of this ever actually occurring, I'll give them money.