The Advanced Genius Theory: Coming Soon!

If you're an avid reader of my blog, you know how much I'm obsessed with Advancement Theory. Well, I was thrilled to find out today that the creator of the Theory, Jason Hartley will soon be publishing a book titled: The Advanced Genius Theory: Are They Out of Their Minds or Ahead of Their Time? I for one, will be visiting Barnes and Noble on May 18th, the release date.


Tiny photos of book covers are Advanced!

I'm very excited for this publication, as hopefully it will help me better understand a theory whose concepts I claim allegiance to, but still don't fully understand. I'm also hoping with my new found knowledge I'll be able to back up my arguments for the work of the Advanced to the many "haters" I have encountered regarding the theory.

benstillerfaggot69@verizon.net

Zach Galifianakis kills it. The guy's comedy is often uncomfortable, strange, perverse and offensive. In other words, it's brilliant! His role in The Hangover as well as hosting SNL this year helped him gain a little more "mainstream recognition."

I've been watching his stand up routines for years. Often his interaction with the crowd is the most entertaining part of his shows. He humiliates them, swears, yells, anything to get a reaction. It's also great when he quietly plays piano and says things like "You know that show The Amazing Race? Is that about white people?" or "At What age is alright to let a Highway know it's adopted?" . . .and have you seen his impression of the little kid with the beard? Classic!

Zach did a series of fake talk show segments called "Between Two Ferns." The best one features an interview with Ben Stiller, who he completely fucks with. Check it out:

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Ben Stiller from Between Two Ferns

Fat Asses of The Earth Rejoice! We have KFC!

Sometimes fast food joints come up with menu items so ridiculous, I feel compelled to write about them. I recently saw an ad for "The Double Down" on TV, and started laughing uncontrollably, and said something like, "oh Jesus, what is this country coming to?" The Double Down "sandwich" features melted cheese and bacon in the middle, with two pieces of grilled chicken serving as buns. Their advertising slogan for this product should have been "Are you looking to clog your arteries as quickly as possible? Then head on down to KFC and try out our new Double Down sandwich!"


I have to admit, looking at this thing, it would probably be pretty damn tasty.

This is not the first time KFC has introduced glutinous items to their menu. Let's not forget the infamous "bowl" that featured chicken, mashed potatoes, corn with a nice little gravy topping. Delicious!




Obviously the only way to make the dining experience more convenient at this point would be for KFC to introduce the feedbag first proposed by The Onion. Imagine the convenience of driving around with this thing strapped to your face, full of "Double Downs" and mashed potatoes. Bon appetitte!

Harassing Tim Stiles: Part Three (or whatever)

This may be pretty similar to another blog I posted about my friend lil' Timmy previously. Tim brought it to my attention that I tend to over-promote my band's live performances, and that it can be slightly annoying. So, for the last few shows we've played, I've sent him ungodly amounts of texts, just to be sure that he knows we're playing. Also, it's really fun to "get his goat," don't ask me why. I guess I just love teasing the little fella!


Tim with a playmate of the same age/size

A transcript of the texts:

2:27 PM
Do you love naked men rolling around in their own shit on stage? Then you'll want to make your way down to The Rendezvous tonight to see The Vague Prophets!

2:52 PM
If your little ass wants to get raped in the green room, you'll want to come on down and see The Vague Prophets tonight at The Rendezvous!

3:33 PM
Is your Mommy alright? Is your Daddy a biscuit eating goose? Then you'll want to come on down to The Rendezvous tonight to see The Vague Prophets!

4:06 PM
Do you enjoy little bears riding around on your nipples? Then you're going to want to head down to The Rendezvous tonight!

5:29 PM
Have you ever wanted to see Steve barf into Bagel's mouth while he's playing bass? If not, then you'll want to head on down to The Rendezvous tonight to check it out!

Monkey Meat Whistle

I found this awesome "skin flute" and gave it to my friend Chuck for his birthday. It's a real working whistle in the shape of a big dick. Genius!

Anyway, I think I may have been a little more excited it about Chuck, and he ended up leaving it over at my place. I got it set up nice so that the Christmas Monkey is orally violating the monkey holding the banana. Delicious!

The End.

I've decided this will be my final blog on "Biological Discourse." I've recently received a lot of negative feedback and threats based on my content and choice of subject matter. I feel it's in my best interest to kill this thing off before anyone gets too pissed or wants to physically harm me.

Thanks to all of you who have consistently read and commented over the last two and half years. This transitional time also marks the dawn of something new and exciting. Stay tuned.

Signed, your friend,

-Ben

Now That's What I Call Advanced! Isaac Brock Writes Music for Cartoon

I found out today that longtime Modest Mouse front man Isaac Brock is writing music for a cartoon. Yes, that's right the same Isaac Brock that was responsible for arguably one of the best indie rock albums of all time (The Lonesome Crowded West) is now using his talents for a program entitled, "The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack." The show is evidently about the adventures of a boy searching for candy. Apparently the cartoon is a favorite of Brock's and he wanted to contribute his talent to make the show even more awesome.



This may arguably be ADVANCED, but also may fall into the category of PREDICTABLE. Modest Mouse's music has become more and more mainstream over their last two records. Hit single "Float On" was even used for one of those god awful "KIDZ BOP" albums. The fact that Brock would now license his original material to a cartoon could almost be seen as a logical progression. Which leads to the question, what comes next? Does Brock start writing songs for garbage reality television shows? Jingles for deodorant companies? Theme songs for big budget action flicks?

May god have mercy on his soul.