White Trash T-Shirts!

Is it just me, or is this t-shirt incredibly hilarious and just all around awesome? You know the type - there's some run down gas station in the middle of nowhere, you walk in and there's a rack full of shirts with ridiculous animals with the town's name on it. This particular gem came from dowtown Sacramento, where the wolves, deer, bald eagles and bears run rampant through the urban landscape. Yeah right!

My dear buddy "Mysterious Bunny" got me really into these a few years back. If I remember correctly, he had a black shirt with two panthers on their hind legs, fighting to the death. Then sure enough, right above it, the caption read, "Crescent City, CA." Not necessarily a place known for it's wild, black panther population. M.B. also used to "rock" a "t" featuring a vicious wolf gnashing his teeth, with a vato looking dude riding a motorcycle underneath, one hell of a combo!I don't know what it is about these shirts that so intrigues me. . . maybe I just find it incredibly funny in an ironic way. Am I crazy for obsessing over these things?

I love SNoggin! (Snow Bloggin')

It has snowed a shit ton (roughly around a foot) here and I've been fully enjoying it. Over the last week or so I've gone sledding, gotten into drunken snowball fights, made "snow penises" on people's cars and slipped and ate shit on more than one occasion. Hee Hee. It's also a lot of fun to make up snow words. For example, a Snow Blog is considered a "Snog," a Snow Oasis is called a "Snoasis," and Snow Rape is called "Snape." Yuck.



Here I am trying out my "Snildo" on "Scuba Steve."



This is my little snow angel, isn't he precious? Notice the attention to detail on his snow outfit, or "snoutfit."



The little guy went for a little sled ride. Yes he did, yes he did (in a pussy voice).



Who is this guy? Is this a snow man? Hitler? Or maybe, just maybe it's a "Snace" or "Snow Face."



And finally, Steve points and says, "here's a nice old piece of shit."

F.A.G.tastic!

One of my projects that I haven't mentioned much is F.A.G. It started in the Winter of 2005 as a "real" rock and roll band featuring three lads with the last names Ferrell, Allen and Graves, thus the acronym F.A.G. It was a short lived band, but I think we actually played 3 or 4 shows. Later on, Jeremy (Ferrell) and I recorded a couple of tracks with super producer DJCJ (AKA GAYbriel). You can check those out on our myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/fagfeaturinggaybriel

The concept is simple enough. We determined that there is a huge untapped market out there - rap music that appeals to gay people. . .or "Homo Hop" as I like to call it. So, Cecil (Allen), Flamer Flame (Ferrell) and Gaybriel wrote, recorded and posted the "gams" (gay-jams).

While in town working on the film "KaraoKing," the crew got back together at the legendary studios located at the Durant residence. We added a new member, "Cool Queef." The song below remains tragically unfinished, but I feel showing the creative process is almost as entertaining.

Eat Until You Barf 2008

For those of us who have family far away, it's nice to be able to get together with close friends on turkey day and eat until you feel like you're going to shit yourself while puking. This year was no exception, and we had Bagel, Sarah, Joey, Donnie, Sara, Roach, Janette, Lotus and Drake all over for a delicious meal. I guess since Jon and I were "hosting" we got away with not cooking anything at all, but Joey/Sarah, Donnie/Sarah Bagel and Roach/Janette all came through with huge amounts of delicious SHIT to eat.

Before the food was ready to wolf down, we had a little jam session in the basement with Drake, Lotus, Roach and I. One awesome thing about being a kid is you have absolutely no inhibitions, and Lotus wailed like all hell on the mic, while Drake bashed away on the skins. I played some guitar and recorded some of it as it was funny as hell and really noisy. Lotus decided we should name the band "The Eagles," which I though was absolutely brilliant. I've just learned that she wants to rename the band "Alligators Kill Death Poison," which is even better!





We then got down to some serious feasting. Sara made some stuffed mushrooms that were insanely good, I could have just eaten plates and plates of those. Oh yeah, and "The Little Smokies," you can't fuck with those. . .





After grubbing down, we all sat around in a food coma, watching "The Adams Family," chatting and playing some gee-tar. We came up with a song for Drake, mostly written by Lotus called, "My Brother is a Cosmonaut." We took turns making up verses while Donnie pounded on the hand drum like a good Indian surrounded by pale face devils.



Then it was time to bring out the hamster for play time. Now don't get me wrong, Emily is fun to hang out with, but the kids were very anxious for her to come out and play. Her full name, by the way is "Fire Fighter Fire Chief Emily Squeaky," but she's casual and just likes to go by "Emily."







I didn't make a speech during dinner for fear of being a cheese-dick, but I truly am thankful for all of the good close friends I have, and that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with them. People like Victor, Jon, and Donnie practically are family, we've known each other for years, and are pretty damn tight. . .

My New Friend

This is my new pal. She is a "short hair hamster." After receiving many suggestions, I've decided to name her "Fire Chief Emily." Thanks to my friends Drake and Lotus for the excellent name! I'm sure we'll just be calling her "Emily," and only introduce her as "Fire Chief Emily" at formal events. She's fun to hang out with. I put her in her plastic ball and she cruises all over the house, recklessly slamming into walls and furniture. I'm sure you'll be hearing more stories about her soon.

Feel the Touch of Distant Goats

Here's yet another fun video/music collaboration project Chuck and I put together. For a couple of years now, I've thoroughly enjoyed the many "metal interpretation" videos you can find on YouTube. Basically kids (I'm betting most of these are made by teenagers) "interpret" what metal singers are saying in their barked, unintelligible vocals, then find funny images to accompany the lyrics. I "commissioned" Chuck to create a song so I could "interpret" the lyrics. Here's what we came up with. Let me know what you think!

Try to be more SUBTLE

Back on November 8th, I went and saw the group Subtle perform at Nectar Lounge in Fremont. Chuck, Jon and I took the bus, which was fun in itself. After drinking the mandatory beer in the alley, we went into the venue. Luckily I was on the guest list (thanks Peter), so I had that much more money to spend on alcohol.

Zach Hill (drummer from the band Hella) was the opening act. He performed a piece entitled "Necromancer" which was basically him going ass wild on drums while "playing along" to some pre-recorded music. I found myself laughing uncontrollably on several occasions. The guys is an incredible drummer, but it was so over the top, I found it hysterical. It reminded me of a late night "show" that was on the Arcata Community Access Television, "ACAT," called the "Corey McG Drum Jam." While I was in college, this show always seemed to come on at the perfect time (3 AM, while drunk as all hell). "Corey McG" was just a rocker dude with long hair that would bash away at his drums, then "explain" what he was playing, and how "you at home" could play this also.

Subtle finally came on. Although they were missing Dax (keyboard/synth) and Alexander (cello), they still had an incredible performance. Doseone (vocals/samples) was in his usual, hyperactive/spastic form. Regardless of the circumstances, the guy is always a showman with some of the most incredible stage presence I've ever witnessed. Almost as enjoyable as the music were Dose's between song rants. He told jokes, talked about being in a "not-so-nice" area of Oakland, CA the night Obama was elected and read a hysterical rider for a band no one had ever heard of.



Both Doseone and Jel are founding members of the record label/collective anticon. Anticon is also the home of Why?, who've I've been raving about so much over the last few months. Subtle's music, like Why?'s, falls into that grey area between hip hop and indie-rock. I've seen them 4 times in the last five years and have never been dissapointed. I will say I much prefer their live performance (mostly due to Dose's energy) to their recordings.

We missed our last bus home, and had to take a cab. We saw no less than three drunk-ass drivers on the way, including one guy who was swerving ridiculously between lanes. Fun times.

"If I Was a Guitar Wizard, My Name Would Be Slash"

I had a little accident while trying to replace a blade on a boxcutter at work. It didn't hurt so much, but was gaping open with some "finger meat" hanging out. Weird pieces of fat and muscle, something I could have definitely gone without seeing. My boss insisted that I go have it stitched, which was probably a good idea as it might have healed funky. The doctor was cool as hell and we talked Obama. The stitches come out in a couple of days, and I'll be back to shredding like all hell, guitar hero style.

Halloween 2008

Sometimes photos can say so much more than words can explain. That's why I've decided to just let the pics from this year's Halloween festivities speak for themselves. We had an absolutely unbelievable time performing Bear Driving Car's first show in a year. But yeah, you can the idea from all the following. . .













And finally, "The Secret Mexican." This guy was all over the place passing out hot sauce, and even leaving a little "refried bean surprise" in the bathroom. HA!

Brokeback By The Bell

I recently wrote fondly of A.C. Slater on the "Make Toilet Fun Time" blog. Well here it is, what we always suspected was going on between Zack and A.C. "Why can't I quit you?"