White Trash T-Shirts!

Is it just me, or is this t-shirt incredibly hilarious and just all around awesome? You know the type - there's some run down gas station in the middle of nowhere, you walk in and there's a rack full of shirts with ridiculous animals with the town's name on it. This particular gem came from dowtown Sacramento, where the wolves, deer, bald eagles and bears run rampant through the urban landscape. Yeah right!

My dear buddy "Mysterious Bunny" got me really into these a few years back. If I remember correctly, he had a black shirt with two panthers on their hind legs, fighting to the death. Then sure enough, right above it, the caption read, "Crescent City, CA." Not necessarily a place known for it's wild, black panther population. M.B. also used to "rock" a "t" featuring a vicious wolf gnashing his teeth, with a vato looking dude riding a motorcycle underneath, one hell of a combo!I don't know what it is about these shirts that so intrigues me. . . maybe I just find it incredibly funny in an ironic way. Am I crazy for obsessing over these things?

I love SNoggin! (Snow Bloggin')

It has snowed a shit ton (roughly around a foot) here and I've been fully enjoying it. Over the last week or so I've gone sledding, gotten into drunken snowball fights, made "snow penises" on people's cars and slipped and ate shit on more than one occasion. Hee Hee. It's also a lot of fun to make up snow words. For example, a Snow Blog is considered a "Snog," a Snow Oasis is called a "Snoasis," and Snow Rape is called "Snape." Yuck.



Here I am trying out my "Snildo" on "Scuba Steve."



This is my little snow angel, isn't he precious? Notice the attention to detail on his snow outfit, or "snoutfit."



The little guy went for a little sled ride. Yes he did, yes he did (in a pussy voice).



Who is this guy? Is this a snow man? Hitler? Or maybe, just maybe it's a "Snace" or "Snow Face."



And finally, Steve points and says, "here's a nice old piece of shit."

F.A.G.tastic!

One of my projects that I haven't mentioned much is F.A.G. It started in the Winter of 2005 as a "real" rock and roll band featuring three lads with the last names Ferrell, Allen and Graves, thus the acronym F.A.G. It was a short lived band, but I think we actually played 3 or 4 shows. Later on, Jeremy (Ferrell) and I recorded a couple of tracks with super producer DJCJ (AKA GAYbriel). You can check those out on our myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/fagfeaturinggaybriel

The concept is simple enough. We determined that there is a huge untapped market out there - rap music that appeals to gay people. . .or "Homo Hop" as I like to call it. So, Cecil (Allen), Flamer Flame (Ferrell) and Gaybriel wrote, recorded and posted the "gams" (gay-jams).

While in town working on the film "KaraoKing," the crew got back together at the legendary studios located at the Durant residence. We added a new member, "Cool Queef." The song below remains tragically unfinished, but I feel showing the creative process is almost as entertaining.

Eat Until You Barf 2008

For those of us who have family far away, it's nice to be able to get together with close friends on turkey day and eat until you feel like you're going to shit yourself while puking. This year was no exception, and we had Bagel, Sarah, Joey, Donnie, Sara, Roach, Janette, Lotus and Drake all over for a delicious meal. I guess since Jon and I were "hosting" we got away with not cooking anything at all, but Joey/Sarah, Donnie/Sarah Bagel and Roach/Janette all came through with huge amounts of delicious SHIT to eat.

Before the food was ready to wolf down, we had a little jam session in the basement with Drake, Lotus, Roach and I. One awesome thing about being a kid is you have absolutely no inhibitions, and Lotus wailed like all hell on the mic, while Drake bashed away on the skins. I played some guitar and recorded some of it as it was funny as hell and really noisy. Lotus decided we should name the band "The Eagles," which I though was absolutely brilliant. I've just learned that she wants to rename the band "Alligators Kill Death Poison," which is even better!





We then got down to some serious feasting. Sara made some stuffed mushrooms that were insanely good, I could have just eaten plates and plates of those. Oh yeah, and "The Little Smokies," you can't fuck with those. . .





After grubbing down, we all sat around in a food coma, watching "The Adams Family," chatting and playing some gee-tar. We came up with a song for Drake, mostly written by Lotus called, "My Brother is a Cosmonaut." We took turns making up verses while Donnie pounded on the hand drum like a good Indian surrounded by pale face devils.



Then it was time to bring out the hamster for play time. Now don't get me wrong, Emily is fun to hang out with, but the kids were very anxious for her to come out and play. Her full name, by the way is "Fire Fighter Fire Chief Emily Squeaky," but she's casual and just likes to go by "Emily."







I didn't make a speech during dinner for fear of being a cheese-dick, but I truly am thankful for all of the good close friends I have, and that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with them. People like Victor, Jon, and Donnie practically are family, we've known each other for years, and are pretty damn tight. . .

My New Friend

This is my new pal. She is a "short hair hamster." After receiving many suggestions, I've decided to name her "Fire Chief Emily." Thanks to my friends Drake and Lotus for the excellent name! I'm sure we'll just be calling her "Emily," and only introduce her as "Fire Chief Emily" at formal events. She's fun to hang out with. I put her in her plastic ball and she cruises all over the house, recklessly slamming into walls and furniture. I'm sure you'll be hearing more stories about her soon.

Feel the Touch of Distant Goats

Here's yet another fun video/music collaboration project Chuck and I put together. For a couple of years now, I've thoroughly enjoyed the many "metal interpretation" videos you can find on YouTube. Basically kids (I'm betting most of these are made by teenagers) "interpret" what metal singers are saying in their barked, unintelligible vocals, then find funny images to accompany the lyrics. I "commissioned" Chuck to create a song so I could "interpret" the lyrics. Here's what we came up with. Let me know what you think!

Try to be more SUBTLE

Back on November 8th, I went and saw the group Subtle perform at Nectar Lounge in Fremont. Chuck, Jon and I took the bus, which was fun in itself. After drinking the mandatory beer in the alley, we went into the venue. Luckily I was on the guest list (thanks Peter), so I had that much more money to spend on alcohol.

Zach Hill (drummer from the band Hella) was the opening act. He performed a piece entitled "Necromancer" which was basically him going ass wild on drums while "playing along" to some pre-recorded music. I found myself laughing uncontrollably on several occasions. The guys is an incredible drummer, but it was so over the top, I found it hysterical. It reminded me of a late night "show" that was on the Arcata Community Access Television, "ACAT," called the "Corey McG Drum Jam." While I was in college, this show always seemed to come on at the perfect time (3 AM, while drunk as all hell). "Corey McG" was just a rocker dude with long hair that would bash away at his drums, then "explain" what he was playing, and how "you at home" could play this also.

Subtle finally came on. Although they were missing Dax (keyboard/synth) and Alexander (cello), they still had an incredible performance. Doseone (vocals/samples) was in his usual, hyperactive/spastic form. Regardless of the circumstances, the guy is always a showman with some of the most incredible stage presence I've ever witnessed. Almost as enjoyable as the music were Dose's between song rants. He told jokes, talked about being in a "not-so-nice" area of Oakland, CA the night Obama was elected and read a hysterical rider for a band no one had ever heard of.



Both Doseone and Jel are founding members of the record label/collective anticon. Anticon is also the home of Why?, who've I've been raving about so much over the last few months. Subtle's music, like Why?'s, falls into that grey area between hip hop and indie-rock. I've seen them 4 times in the last five years and have never been dissapointed. I will say I much prefer their live performance (mostly due to Dose's energy) to their recordings.

We missed our last bus home, and had to take a cab. We saw no less than three drunk-ass drivers on the way, including one guy who was swerving ridiculously between lanes. Fun times.

"If I Was a Guitar Wizard, My Name Would Be Slash"

I had a little accident while trying to replace a blade on a boxcutter at work. It didn't hurt so much, but was gaping open with some "finger meat" hanging out. Weird pieces of fat and muscle, something I could have definitely gone without seeing. My boss insisted that I go have it stitched, which was probably a good idea as it might have healed funky. The doctor was cool as hell and we talked Obama. The stitches come out in a couple of days, and I'll be back to shredding like all hell, guitar hero style.

Halloween 2008

Sometimes photos can say so much more than words can explain. That's why I've decided to just let the pics from this year's Halloween festivities speak for themselves. We had an absolutely unbelievable time performing Bear Driving Car's first show in a year. But yeah, you can the idea from all the following. . .













And finally, "The Secret Mexican." This guy was all over the place passing out hot sauce, and even leaving a little "refried bean surprise" in the bathroom. HA!

Brokeback By The Bell

I recently wrote fondly of A.C. Slater on the "Make Toilet Fun Time" blog. Well here it is, what we always suspected was going on between Zack and A.C. "Why can't I quit you?"

A Grey Apocalypse for Lady Bird

Here is the second photo/music collaboration between Chuck and I. I could try to explain what we were trying to do and say with the piece, but I'll just let it speak for itself.

WHY? WHY? OH GOD, WHY?

I'm working on this piece on WHY? for nadamucho.com, and did a brief interview with the man himself, singer/songrwiter/frontman Yoni Wolf. Check it and give me some feedback. How can I make this interesting?



What is your daily routine these days, and how has your life changed since the release of Alopecia?


We have been on tour since Alopecia was released, so our daily routine is pretty much like this: wake up, eat, travel for between 2 to 9 hours, load in, soundcheck, eat, play a show,break down, load out, go to the hotel, sleep. At home, I am a lot less busy.

Your sound has changed fairly drastically over the years, what artists or albums have
influenced your more recent songwriting?

Bob Dylan, Li'l Wayne, Eminem, Joanna Newsom.

"The Hollows" presents some fairly stunning visual imagery of some events that went down in Berlin. How much of your lyrical content is based on real life experiences?

My lyrics are a mix of personal experience, personal experience elaborated upon, other people's experiences who I know/ don't know, things I see on TV, metaphor, extended metaphor, pure fantasy, etc.

Is anticon as a collective and a label still relevant, and what has its impact been on "hip hop"
music?

We are not, nor have we ever been been relevant. That is our appeal. We are perpetually un-now and superfluous.

What level of popularity, both critically and commercially, do you aspire to?

All of it. We want to go all the way to the top in the U.S.A. We want to be the second Black President. But in our case 'Black' meaning sullen and hopeless rather than half African.

What can fans expect from your current live performance?

Mostly we just like to party. Songs. Some acrobatics and synchronized guitar tosses and light fire play, some PG13 language.

Who should be the next President, and why? (No pun intended)

You said it. The Obamanater. Barak Ata Adoni. O 'bomb' A.

Make Toilet Fun Time

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the toilets and fun, unconventional ways to use them. Why just stand and piss and sit and shit when there are so many unexplored positions and options out there. Here's a few I've been thinking about:



Number One. "THE UPPER DECKER."

AS you can tell from the diagram above, this is where you take off the toilet lid, rest your feet on the bowl and shit into the upper chamber of the toilet. You normally want to do this at someone's house that you really despise, as it will eventually start to rot and fester and smell something awful. After dropping this one on your unexpecting victim, it's fun to call them up the next day and say something like, "hey I was thinking about stopping by later, I think I left some shit at your house." Then hang up.



Number Two. "THE A.C. SLATER"

If you're as big of a fan of "Saved By The Bell" as I am, you know A.C. was a huge fan of sitting reverse in his seat. Whether grubbing down at The Max, or in class at Bayside, A.C. would always swing the chair around backwards, then plop on down. I've recently learned that if you're feeling daring, you can rock this same technique on the toilet. The only extra hassle is that you have to take your pants all the way off to avoid making a mess. The upside is you can use the toilet's lid as a table, arm rest, or a silky smooth surface for railing out coke.



Number Three. "THE DOG"

This one is a little more complex. First, you'll want to put down a towel on the bathroom floor. Then, lay down completely on your side at around 3 to 4 feet from the toilet. Unzip, and let a strong surge of urine fly, seeing if you can make it all the way to the bowl. The key here is to really lift your leg high, doggy style. This can also be turned into a fun game with friends to see who can make it in the furthest away.

Number Four. "The UPPER DECKER BLUMPKIN A.C. SLATER"

This is the holy grail of all toilet positions. If you can pull this one off, you're a god in my eyes. It takes a set of partners, so you better have a girl/boyfriend that is feeling a little "adventurous." The male takes a crap in the top part of the toilet while carefully balancing (using the wall is always smart). The female does the A.C. Slater while performing oral on the aforementioned male. So, what we're talking about here is simultaneous shitting with a little oral pleasure thrown in. How sexy is that? If anyone can show me video evidence of this ever actually occurring, I'll give them money.

Snooze Healer Exploring the Electric Wilderness

Here's an interesting little piece of art Chuck and I came up with. The title pretty well explains what we're trying to do. I became somewhat obsessed with the changing fall colors in our neighborhood. I love how the light in the later afternoon almost makes the tree look like it's on fire. Chuck's musical composition seems to appropriately fit the images. We're going to be doing more photo/music collaborations in the near future. Any ideas?

Reminiscing on Vegas - Oh What a Weekend!

When I first started this silly little thing known as a "blog," I promised "more photos and stories would be coming soon." Well, I'm finally getting around to it here mostly because I got the adapter for my digital camera and I can share some photos. Luckily, this trip was very well documented, so I had plenty of photos and video to choose from. Enjoy.

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Let's start with this photo. My brothers and I love buffets, and Vegas is full of them. The morning of my birthday I went for about the "7 plate challenge," and really wolfed it down like a champ. I also like this photo because "Admiral Ass," looks like a Savage, Wild-Eyed Ass Pounder. What's with that look? I'm holding a prize my brother Andy won for me at the blackjack table.



Circus Circus has a 5 acre indoor "Adventuredome," which has a rollercoaster, water ride, mini-golf, etc. It's a little overwhelming, but a whole lot of fun as well. I like the photo above because my legs look skinny as hell (according to Joel). How did that happen? Must be an optical illusion. The photo below speaks for itself. This is mini-golf at it's finest.



So, now onto my birthday evening. Pete and Andy set up a fun little party for me in their room. I got presents from my brothers, Mom, Peter A., etc. Now the funniest thing about this party was the speed in which everyone got loaded. I was like an alocholic porsche when it came to the bottle of Wild Turkey:





We then burst out of the room screaming. I stomped down the hall, yelling at the top of my lungs, "it's my fucking birthday! It's my fucking birthday!" CJ was banging like hell on the doors and walls. Needless to say, we attracted a little attention of our neighbors, some of them opening their doors to see what the hell was going on.

We took the drunk bus down to the main part of the strip to check out the action. Peter Agoston had been drinking all day, and was already in fine form. Shortly after this photo was taken, he "took a little nap" on the bus.



We wandered in and out of casinos drinking like hell and soaking in the sites. We stopped at a random store where Peter and I both "bought" sunglasses and beers. It was liberating walking the streets with an open container. We somehow decided that riding the rollercoaster at New York, New York would be a good idea. By now my vision was blurry, and just walking around was an amusement park ride in itself. After the ride, I approached a hot dog vendor and said something like, "It's my 30th, I'm drunk and haven't eaten anything, what can I get on the house?" Incredibly, they gave me a couple of dogs at no charge. At this point, I thank god for cameras, as I don't really recall hanging with the M & M's on the street.



The decision was made to head back to The Circus where some of us retired for the evening, and others of us went off to "Treasures" for some "adult entertainment" until about 4 AM. Hardcore gangsta shit.

This final photo was taken at about 4:30 AM at the "West Bar" inside Circus Circus. It served as kind of the "base camp" for our whole trip. At any time you could wander by there and find at least one out of our group of seven chilling and having a drink.



The experience was damn intense, and I wish it could have lasted longer. For me, the most enjoyable part was spending time with friends and family I don't get to hang out with all that often. I want to make it an annual event. Pick a time and a place, round up the posse and get the hell out of dodge for a weekend. Somewhere tropical is sounding good to me in January or February - who's in???

Barack The Vote 2008 (No Seriously)

Yes, Obama used to like to "darrell it up," as you can see from the photo above. I like how haggard he looks, like he's been on a two day drinking binge and is enjoying one last smoke before he passes out for 20 hours.

Anyone that's spent any time around me over the last year has no doubt heard me go off on a political rant about Obama. I'll try to keep this as brief as I can, but I feel VERY passionate about this candidate and this election. Never before have I found myself pleading with friends and family to get registered and take a serious look at the candidates and our options. It worked in one case (thanks Roach for registering) even though that particular friend of mine continues to embarrass himself publicly by stating he's voting McCain.



I want to break it down for you here. This is why I'm voting for Obama, and why you should consider it too:

1. FOREIGN POLICY - Barack had the balls to oppose the Iraq invasion from the start. He said, "invading Iraq will take away our resources and focus on the war we should be fighting in Afghanastan." Hmmmmm, it's 6 years later and there's no peace in Iraq, thousands of American troops are dead, we're spending 10 billion a month there, and bin Laden is still waltzing around the mountains free as a bird. Also, Obama believes in diplomacy as a FIRST option in foreign affairs. None of this "bomb first, ask questions later" Bush bullshit. If we can talk to our enemies and negotiate we can resolve issues as well as restore our standing in the world. A lot of people in the world hate the U.S. right now, and with the stubborn, war-mongering ass clown in the White House, I don't really blame them.

2.VOTING RECORD - The McCain camp has repeatedly attacked our boy for having "the most liberal voting record in the Senate." . . .and that's a bad thing because why?

3. ECONOMICS - Obama has been called an elitist intellectual, which may be slightly true, but he understands the issues concerning "Joe Six-Pack" out there. Unlike the redneck, ridiculously under-qualified running mate of McCain, Obama is not actually an "average Joe," but can relate to those folks and be an advocate for them. He's for middle class tax breaks, whereas McCain wants to continue to help the elite and even offer tax cuts for corporations that are doing terrible things to this planet. "Trickle Down Theory" my ass. Obama has said, and I paraprhase, "I will focus on new, alternative sources of energy that will create thousands of research jobs in the process." Hmmmmmm, helping the environment and creating jobs. . .is this starting to make sense to anyone else?

4. HE'S BLACK! - No, seriously. I think it would be a huge step for our country to elect an African-American president. Think about all of the young, impressionable white children in the South. Their biggest association with a Black Man will be President of the United States. If you associate blacks with such a high ranking office, it will have a serious impact on national racism.

5. NEW POLITICS - We've all heard "B. Boy" talk about the "Change he will bring to Washington." Here's the thing - I believe him. Petty inter-party fighting and distractions don't help policy get passed. Obama's television ads have mostly concentrated on what he will do as President, rather than attacking McCain over frivolous comments. Obama also rejected federal funding for his campaign, instead relying on small donations through his website from thousands of supporters. It shows you that grass roots campaigning can work. I only pray that when Obama is elected he fucks with Washington like he's promised, getting rid of the corporate lobbyist influence and making and enacting policy that will help the majority of Americans.

So much for being brief, huh? I plead with you to take a serious, close look at the candidates and choose who you think will best represent you as President. That's the beauty of democracy, you may not agree with all of the decisions being made, but you at least have a voice in your vote to pick a candidate that will best represent you. I welcome any comments or arguments here, and I promise I'll get back to my old, ridiculous self on my next blog! Thanks for listening.



Look at this guy! Not only is he the best possible candidate for leader of the free world, but he could whoop your ass up at some hoops, too!

Something to Contemplate

I was recently given the absurd assignment by nadamucho.com to come up with "My Top 10 Favorite Albums of All Time." This was extremely hard for me as I love music and there have been so many albums that have been important to me at different phases of my life. For example, I've listened to the Why? album from this year "Alopecia" a ridiculous number of times, but possibly due to it's recent release it doesn't qualify as a "classic" in my mind. . .yet. When I was in 4th or 5th grade, I was convinced that Poison's "Look What The Cat Dragged In," was the best album ever. Although, I still stand by that being a great rock record, it most definitely wouldn't be in my current top 10 list. At one time, it seemed like Poison were about the coolest dudes ever. The female style make up, C.C.'s bleached, large hair, the cock rock style guitar shredding. I laugh now, but in the mid 80's, these guys were the shit. I also thought of all the music I was exposed to by my parents growing up. Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours," Cat Steven's "Tea for the Tillerman," Side B of "The White Album." It's all stuff I love for sentimental reasons, it's almost like "comfort music," but none of it made my list. It would have been so much easier if it would have been broken down into sub-categories. I could have came up with my top 10 instrumental albums, top 10 classic rock albums, etc. So without further ado, here's my list in no particular order:

Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

Pinback - Blue Screen Life

Pavement - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

Cursive - The Ugly Organ

Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation

Slint - Spiderland

Comets on Fire - Blue Cathedral

Built to Spill - Keep it Like a Secret

Fugazi - The Argument

Modest Mouse - The Lonesome Crowded West

I welcome any comments or criticism regarding this list. I know when Spin or Rolling Stone publish their "top 50" lists, there's always complaints about things that have been left out, or shock by the inclusion of what are considered "non-essential" albums. What records have changed your life? What piece of music has been so important to you that you'll still be listening to it 20 years down the road? Is it some album that makes you nostalgic for a certain period of time? Let me know, I'm interested.

My Ever Changing Friends. . .

I took a few shots of my friends band "The Ever Changing Sky" a couple of weekends back, and for some reason feel compelled to share them here. Not bad quality for a phone. If you haven't checked them out, you can listen to some of their tunes here:

http://www.myspace.com/everchangingsky

Please note, if you listen to their live recordings you can occasionally hear me heckling and yelling dumb shit like, "play an instrumental!," "Yeah Niko, play that keyboard!," or directed at fairly short Steve, "That's a huge bass for a little fella!!!" Oh man, I'm an ass sometimes.

Their stuff has been compared to Mogwai, and funny enough "Explosions in the Sky," probably mostly because they're instrumental. I met them through a band from Portland called "The Friendly Skies." Hmmmm, I think we're starting to see a pattern here between "epic, instrumental" bands and "Sky" names. Anyway, they use elements of subtlety not unlike Mogwai, but can also get kind of math-rocky and rip like Botch. I haven't seen a bad show of theirs yet. They're four individual solid-ass musicians playing as a cohesive whole. Now do yourself a friggin' favor and give them a listen.

Other Stuff I've Been Listening To

I know that you reading this have a burning question, "what has Ben been listening to lately?" You continue, "he has such good taste in music, and I'd really like to know what's been getting heavy rotation from him lately."

Well, my friend you are in luck, here are the covers from some more albums I've been listening to. These are mostly older albums (with the exception of The Grand Archives) I'm "revisiting" after "giving them a break" for a while. In no particular order: