Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Richard Gere and The Gerbil



I finally finished a new Big Moosey song entitled, "Richard Gere's Paper Towel Tube." I wrote the thing like 4 or 5 years ago. The thought of someone shaving, de-clawing, then lubing up a little gerbil and ramming it up their ass struck me as outlandishly hilarious. Especially as the aforementioned act was committed by a popular 80's douche bag actor. I wonder if he took his paper towel tube into the pet store, and shopped around, trying out various gerbils until he found one that fit perfect.



I recorded it on this fucking sweet new app for my iPhone called "I am T-Pain," which lets you record your vocals in auto tune over pre-programmed beats. It literally took like 5 minutes to record. I'm having a little difficulty with posting the song anywhere, but I'll add a link as soon as I figure it out. Or if you'd like, I'd gladly e-mail it to you.

Here's the back story. Whether or not all of this is true is up for debate. What do you think?

Several years ago, Richard Gere was admitted into the emergency room of a Los Angeles hospital with a foreign object lodged in his rectum. Some say Gere was alone when he arrived, others say he was accompanied by a friend (e.g., former love interest Cindy Crawford). In any case, an x-ray was taken and it was determined that the foreign object was a gerbil (either alive or dead, depending on who tells the story). Mr. Gere was rushed to surgery, where it took an entire team of doctors to extract the animal from his behind. Some variants say the gerbil was found to have been shaven and declawed; others claim the animal had been placed in a special plastic pouch. Still others insist the poor creature was Gere's own beloved pet (appropriately named "Tibet" in this variant). In any event, when the gerbilectomy was done the medical team was sworn to secrecy — unsuccessfully, we must conclude — and Gere went on his merry way, suffering no permanent harm other than to his reputation.

51 comments:

CJ said...

Not a shred of evidence has ever been unearthed to prove it. And while Gere himself has never confirmed nor denied it — indeed, he rarely speaks of it at all — neither have any credible witnesses come forward in the twenty-odd years this story has been in circulation offering firsthand testimony to back it up.

Ben said...

T.J. HAHAHAHA! I know, I read that same thing. I wish I wouldn't have, though, as the fantasy of the situation is so much better than reality.

lucas said...

isnt there something about holding a flame behind the gerbil so it crawls up into richards gapping ass.

Ben said...

Lucas - What is that called? Is it something like where you shoot the gerbil out of your ass canon style? That would be sweet.

J-rock said...

Is that Fire Chief in the tube???

Ben said...

No, no, it's not the fire chief, but it looks a lot like her. Maybe it's her relative?

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