Craigslist Tranny of The Day: Volume 1

I have to say this is not my own, original idea. My friend who I'll call "Lambo" for some reason really likes to check out the trannies on craigslist's "Casual Encounters." "Lambo" started a blog, but didn't continue as he was worried what other people (including his Mom) would think about the "objectionable" content. Obviously "Lambo" is a much smarter man than myself, as some of my posts have made certain individuals a little "uncomfortable." He suggested that I come up with a "Tranny of The Day," and that it would make for some good material. Right up may alley!

I must admit, some of the stuff I found on there was a little disturbing, even for me. These "men" really like to dress up and feel sexy in women's lingerie.

The goal for this reoccuring column will be to scan through all of the recently posted photos of trannies, and find which individual is "putting the most effort into it." I'm not going to post any nude shots as I don't think anyone wants to see that. I'm looking for the man with the craziest outfit and poses. So without further ado, let me introduce the first winner "Panty boi:"

Panty boi needs some cock - m4m - t4m -t4t - 26





I've started wearing panties every day they feel so good, and I even went out and bought heels. I'm not experienced at all, but would love to service either a daddy type, another guy my age, a crossdresser or a t-girl.

Don't Call on "Gay Harper!"

I spotted this sign the other night in the window of the vacant building next to The Skylark Cafe. "Who the hell is Gay Harper?," I thought to myself. I imagined people interested in leasing the building calling the number and asking to speak to "Gay." It seems to me that someone with this name would do nothing but harp on gays, obviously a huge homophobe.



Here's how the conversation would go:

Me: Ugggh yeah, I'm interested in leasing the commercial space on Delridge Way.
Gay: You're not one of "those people" are you?
Me: What do you mean by one of "those people?"
Gay: You know the faggots, the ones responsible for ruining the good moral fabric of this country.
Me: Um, actually no. I just want more information about the building. . .
Gay: Well you sound like an ass pirate, and I want nothing to do with your kind.
Me: Hmmm, alright. Well thanks, I guess?
Gay: Later you pole smoker! (hangs up phone)

Concrete Above Water: A Poem

The following is something I wrote while on my first and only "business trip" down to Orange County. Besides attending a three day long workshop on international shipping regulations, I had quite a bit of free time. Not knowing anyone in Orange County, I found myself driving around, going to the beach, taking photos of myself drinking beer in the hotel room, swimming, and exploring Newport Beach. There's something about the setting sun I find very inspiring. Lately I've been going over to Carkeek Park watching the sunset, writing and playing guitar. Anyway, this poem is based on walking around the beach and pier in Newport. Come on, give me some feedback. No, really, I can take the criticism. HA!



Concrete Above Water

I watched you disappear
Into a smoggy haze
Behind the Hollywood hills
Glowing a freakish orange
I felt like Jesus Christ
As I walked on the ocean
Humans below
Harnessing the power of nature
For their own selfish amusement
And I waited and waited
Staring blankly westward, forever
My shutter snaps continuously
Documenting
And then nothingness, black
Rubber soles scrape smooth asphalt
And I watched you disappear

Yo No Soy Marinero!

This has got to be the best rendition of "La Bamba" ever recorded. I'm thinking about trying to release it as single on iTunes. The only way a take this magic happen was consumption of the following. Consider this the "recipe" for success!

QTY 1: 40oz of Pabst Blue Ribbon
QTY 7: 16 oz glasses of Pabst Blue Ribbon
QTY 2: Tequila shots with pineapple juice chaser
QTY 5: 12oz cans of Rainier

Wisdom of Wilkes R.I.P. 2009 - 2010

I purposely have not let anyone at my work know about my blog, as I'd like to maintain a little privacy in my "personal life" and some of the content may be slightly "controversial." HA!

Anyway, to make a long story short, the legendary Mr. Wilkes got wind of my blog and politely requested that we "have a little confidentiality" agreement regarding things that are said in our office. He wasn't mad, and thought some of the content was in fact, pretty funny. I think he'd just prefer our little inside jokes to remain "inside."

So this ends an era of excellent material for my blog. Luckily, I still work with the guy and I'm sure he won't stop talking crazy anytime soon. I'll still be listening and laughing like a jolly son of a bitch. The only difference is I won't be able to share it with you.

The Muffiny Member

Hooray! Head on over to Accidental Dong and check out the top photo. They used my "muffin cock!" "Looks like it still needs to rise." HA! It's truly a pleasure to be contributor to a website of such high caliber content. God bless them.

Coat Hanger Cadaver: A Poem

The following is a poem I wrote one morning while eating breakfast by myself at "The Baranof." It contains reflections of one fabulously drunk evening. I just re-read the blog from that night, and realized I haven't got that "wacky" in quite a while. I insist that "Saturday Night Alley Drunk Club" be reinstated. What are you doing this weekend?

Coat Hanger Cadaver or A Flame Burns in The Eager Hearts of the Possessed

In a dark alley tonight
Chaos swirls around empty space
As bodies smash into fences
Shoulders shoved and promises broken
Attempts to focus
Shattered by alcohol consumption
A flame burns
In the eager hearts of the possessed
While urine flies
And puddles flow downstream
Buzz Lightyear salutes
His fallen comrades and newly acquired friends
Christopher Reeves can't fly this evening
He poses as a coat hanger cadaver
Body preserved and used by family
Legalities may stall the process
But his family will prevail
The cans empty, the phone rings
A light beckoning home
Misguided sailors
Their navigation disrupted
By the call of debauchery

I've been writing a lot lately. Song lyrics, magazine articles, material for this blog and even some poetry. Based on the response to this poem, I may share some more.

"The Muffin Member"

The highlight of my work day yesterday was when my co-worker brought me this muffin. Look at the big old dick hanging off the side of this thing!

I was very excited about this, took a photo, and e-mailed one of my favorite blogs, "Accidental Dong."

I'll let you know if they decide to use it!

EXTREME KAYAKING

I was a huge fan of both Harold & Kumar movies, and this is one of my favorite scenes.

I love how the kayak floats in mid-air, the guy yells "EXTREME!" in slow motion and the other weird, bald white guy does that screaming pterodactyl sound. Talk about perfection in cinema!

SAVAGE HENRY MAGAZINE!

My pal Chris Durant has started a magazine based out of Arcata, CA called "Savage Henry." As I haven't seen a copy yet, I'm not exactly sure on the content, but the website states that it's a "new brand of going-to-hell humor." Chris is about one of the funniest guys I've ever met, and I'm sure the mag will be chock full of entertaining, engaging content.



Their website is currently under construction, but should feature content soon. You'll also be able to pick copies up in the Seattle area at the best disc golf shop around, CHAINBANGERZ in Burien.

I'm going to be submitting a monthly column entitled "Ben's Radio," where I come up with lists of records that fall into particular categories, then write about their greatness. Look for that in "issue #1" out next month.

Ben's Babysitting Service

Here's my ad campaign:

"Do you need your child to be watched by a weird, drunken hairy man? Then call Ben's Babysitting Service for all your childcare needs!"

Death Animal Book Shelf

I downloaded the app that lets my old ass version of the iPhone record video.




This is my first attempt at recording something. The music is provided by The Vague Prophets and the subjects are a bunch of the "weird animals" I have spread out all over the house. There's also a certain death element.

As a piece of art, what do you think I'm trying to convey with this "film?"

"SEATTLE'S BEST BREAKFAST" MY ASS!

A while back I went out to a hungover brunch at the Seattle establishment known as Patty's Egg Nest. My friend "lil" Timmy ordered some poached eggs. When they brought it out, the eggs looked like some type of fucked up chicken fetus. Tim explains it better:

"I remember how the waitress tried to battle me on that one saying that that glob of fetal death was 'normal' and when I got my replacement eggs they were pretty much hard boiled. That scarred me for life, I still haven't ordered poached eggs anywhere since. yuck!"



So, the other day I went to pick up a Papa Murphy's pizza which is right next to Patty's Egg Nest and noticed their sign out front proudly states "Seattle's Best Breakfast," in quotations. I started laughing like hell because of the quotes and thought back to the incident with Tim. "How perfect," I thought. "As long as they leave it in quotes, they can just serve dog fecal matter and played it off as breakfast."

Going with this same theme, Tim and I came up with a few other ideas for their menu:

"Delicious" Corned Beef Hash

"Enjoyable" Chicken Fried Steak

Every breakfast item involving eggs must contain an asterisk with a footer note at the bottom of the menu that reads:

* Patty's uses only non-GMO, cage-free, "unfertilized" eggs

SHIT TITTS!

Today was one of those days where I woke up and "surveyed the damage" from the night before. Jesus, what happened? A few of my last memories of the night were Roach dancing with his shirt off on top of the bar at Cafe Racer, throwing a screaming monkey at my passed out friend on the couch, "losing my ego" and dancing foolishly around the living room with Chuck while listening to the Knife, and best of all, the little "art" Chuck and I did on Joey's shoes while he was passed out.



No one wants to wake up with SHIT TITTS! written on their shoes. I especially like that Chuck spelled "TITS" wrong, and included an exclamation point for dramatic effect. Oh boy, what an evening!

Wisom of Wilkes: Part 13

Completely out of the blue, Greg said this today:

"Man, I wish I was an Italian, so I could cook me some good spaghetti!"

Thundercats Movie!

UPDATE: IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS TRAILER IS FAKE, BUT THERE IS IN FACT A THUNDERCATS MOVIE IN THE WORKS. IT WON'T BE OUT UNTIL 2012, AND AS FAR AS I KNOW NONE OF THE ACTORS HAVE BEEN REVEALED.



This is crazy. Two days ago, I was making "Snarf sounds" around the house as I often like to do. I started talking with my roomate "The Admiral," discussing the fact that there hasn't been a live action Thundercats movie made yet. "Yeah, I'm sure it will be some kind of huge budget piece of shit with big name actors," I said.



Today, just for the hell of it, I googled "Thundercats," and wouldn't you know it, there's a movie with real actors coming out this Summer. The Thundercats live action film features Hollywood actors Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman among others. I'll need to check with a few of my sources, but Brad Pitt starring as Lion-O may be an Advanced move.

This is unbelievable! Here's the trailer:

My Band Is Playing An Acoustic Show on Saturday!

Early 90's Influential Indie Rock

Yesterday I decided I want to have "theme" days for iPod music listening. The theme for yesterday was "early 90's influential indie rock." I consoled with the few "music" people at work who had some pretty good ideas, many of them repeats of what I'd already listened to.

There were many other albums I thought of, but wasn't able to get to. The following is what I actually listened to:


The cover of Slint's "Spiderland" remains one of my favorites of all time.

* Slint "Spiderland"

* Pavement "Slanted and Enchanted"

* Fugazi "Repeater"

* My Bloody Valentine "Loveless"

* Built to Spill "Ultimate Alternative Wavers"

* Unwound "Fake Train"