Bellingham: Round Two

I'm off to Bellingham for drunken New Year's madness. Let's not forget what happened last time I paid that quaint little town a visit.

Wish me luck.

They're Baaaaaaaaaaccckkkkk!

After a retardely long hiatus, my pals "TJ" and "Chris Durant," have returned with "Save It For The Podcast Number 9." Featuring an interview with me about this very blog! They also discuss TJ's obsession with Lady Gaga, pop stars, their new magazine and a hilarious "advertisement" for Chainbangerz. By the way, the new flash Chainbangerz site is fantastic, give it a look.

Roger, The Most Precious Animal In The World

Every year our family dog Roger opens his own presents at Christmas. This year he actually picked out his gift from under the tree (he could smell it), then with a little urging from me, carefully unwrapped it. I love how he holds it with his paws and takes off little pieces at a time with his mouth. Too cute!

Transgender Teacher

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE CONTAINS SINCERE, HEART-FELT CONTENT. IF YOU PREFER ONLY MY "NORMAL" MATERIAL, DO NOT READ ON.



"Woah, I would have never have guessed." That was first reaction to hearing that Lindy Rust was now known as "Lynn," and had "transitioned" from male to female. Lindy was my "Exploring Band" teacher in High School for two years, then I was his teacher's aide my Senior year. He was also a mentor of sorts, offering constant positive reinforcement regarding my musical aspirations and my future in general. He was kind enough to write one of my letters of recommendation that helped get me into HSU. He was hands down my favorite, "cool" teacher throughout my High School career. Surprisingly, for being a very musical person Lindy didn't know how to play guitar. I taught him a few basic chords, and he would teach me things about theory, time signatures and all of the other technical aspects of music I had pretty much ignored. Another time I remember inviting him to a large party we were having out at Roach's place known as the "Yonker's Estate." He politely declined stating, "yeah right guys, that's just what I need. . .front page of the newspaper headlined 'Drunken Teacher Found With Students." HA!

The more I think about it, I fear for Lynn's safety in little town like Crescent City. Some folks there aren't very accepting of those that are "different," whatever the circumstances. Basically if you're not white, drive a big truck and drink warm Coors "tall boys," you take the risk of getting your ass kicked.



More than anything, I'm happy for Lindy/Lynn that she finally feels comfortable with who she really is. It must be extremely difficult feeling your whole life like you were born the wrong gender. I can't even imagine.

Kelly Atherton wrote a great article for The Triplicate if you want to get the "whole story."

A New World Record

As my last post was number 17 for the month of December, I'd personally like to congratualte myself on this being my biggest blog month ever. "Great work Ben, keep it up!"

Blondes and the Dogs that "Love" Them

Today at work, we decided to look up some porn as we were really bored in the office. I jokingly said, "how about DogsonBlondes.com?" Greg typed in google "dogsonblondes" and guess what came up first? SURPRISE! My very own blog! I started laughing pretty damn hard when I re-read this thing. Enjoy.

HO HO HO HO HO HO HO (YOUR MOM)

The day before Christmas Eve (Festivus for those of you keeping track), I decided to "entertain" the scientists here at my work by delivering packages wearing a Santa hat. Assisted by my friend Haley dressed as an elf, we made our way around the building spreading Holiday cheer.

"HO, HO, HO! You must have been a good boy this year 'cause Santa's got some new petri dishes for you," I exclaimed to one unsuspecting researcher. "I'm sorry Savitha, you must have been a bad girl, because instead of those DNA primers you were expecting, all I've got for you is coal. Ho ho ho ho!"

As you can imagine some of the deliveries got mixed results, with scientists alternately looking scared and confused, while others laughed and were into it.

Wisdom of Wilkes: Part 5

Today, ol' Gregory and I got into a discussion about being retired and what we would want to do. I mentioned that I'd like to buy an RV and just travel all over the country. In response, Greg had this to say:

"Shit man, you don't wanna be driving one them RV's around these days. Muthafuckas know you gots money, you old, and they come rob your ass. What you need is an uzi. And stock that bitch with some grenades. What you'd want to do if you was retired was sell some crack rock. Then you'd have all the ho's after you. Ooooohhh, give me some of that crack. I'll fuck your old ass."

Drink The Sac!

I discovered this "bad boy" in the grocery store down the street from my house.

Here's what I imagine their advertising campaign to be:

"Are you feeling thirsty? Then chug down some delicious salty grape Sac juice. You know you want it! Sac juice, just put it in your mouth and chug!"

Wisdom of Wilkes: Part 4

Due to the overwhelming popularity and amount of feedback I've been getting regarding "The Wisdom of Wilkes," I've decided to go ahead and keep 'em "coming." Today's story is about the holiday classic "A Christmas Story."



In Greg's own words:

"Shit Ben, I got into a little bit of an argument with the cable people this weekend. You know the movie 'A Christmas Story?' Well hell, Kim (his wife) and I wanted to watch it, but it wasn't on the TV no where. So I called up Comcast and said, 'what the matter with you dirty dogs?' You should be pulled outside naked into the snow and left to freeze to death. They apologized, and gave me two free movies On Demand. We going to watch 'A Christmas Story' for Kim, and get something nice and dirty for me!"

So in summary, Greg was so pissed that "A Christmas Story" wasn't on TV, so he called the cable company to complain. If that's not ridiculous enough, he's going to settle in and enjoy the holiday time with his wife by watching porno. I love it!!!

What's Up Now Bitch?

Wisdom of Wilkes: Part 3

This morning Greg was talking about the former Soviet Union and had this to say:



"You looked at a map back then, and that motherfucka was huge. I thought to myself, how can we compete with that? The only thing we had that them Russians didn't have back then was good chicken."

Wisdom of Wilkes: Part 2

A few months back shortly after Greg started, he went to the Subway sandwich shop down the street. After he finished his sandwich he looked a little upset. "What's wrong, Greg?," I asked. "Those bitches didn't put any fucking meat on my sandwich," he replied. He then picked up the phone, found the number of the local Subway and called them up. The conversation lasted about 5 minutes, but here was the best line:

"Motherfucker, I'm just trying to stay alive! I want to be able to taste the meat! I mean shit, I'm NOT Jared!"

Fiddler On The Roof

This morning Greg, my African-American buddy that I share an office with, was doing some maintenance on a boiler on the roof.

I jokingly asked him, "Greg, did you see the fiddler on the roof while you were up there?" He paused, looked at me and said, "shit, I didn't see no fiddler on the god damn roof! If I seen a fiddler up there, I'd be calling the police. Fuck that fiddler, that's my roof!"
This guy is so quotable I'm thinking of starting an entire blog dedicated solely to the crazy shit he says!

My House

This is what my house looked like this time last year. We have had no snow so far this year. Weird.

Most Listened to Albums of 2009

Sonic Youth's "The Eternal," the album I listened to the most this past year. I'm also very excited to be travelling down to San Francisco to see them perform on January 10th. This will be the first time I've seen them twice during a single album's touring cycle!

After compiling my list of “most listened to” albums of 2009, I made a couple of interesting observations. With a few exceptions, most of my favorite releases this year came from bands I’ve known and loved for years. I’ve listened to Built to Spill, Cursive, Wilco and Tortoise since college, Dinosaur Jr. and Sonic Youth since High School.

WHY? released a heart-breakingly beautiful, “musically transitional” album. Sonic Youth’s “The Eternal” marked their return to an indie label (Matador), as well as one of their most accessible recordings in years. Girls were a fun new discovery this year (and no I’m not talking about losing my virginity, but that was awesome too!). The songs on the Girls debut entitled “Album” all sound so familiar without being too derivative. The Flaming Lips’ release was a psychedelic, spacey, sprawling mind fuck, in the best possible sense. They completely shunned the accessibility of their last few records and released a double album of weirdness. Noticeably absent from this year’s list was any recordings from Sub Pop, a label that normally releases at least a couple of albums in my year end list.

Although I listened to and enjoyed them, I didn’t include Animal Collective’s “Merriweather Post Pavillion,” WAVVES’s self titled album or Grizzly Bear’s “Veckatimest.” It’s very likely you’ll see all three of these albums on most “Year in Music” lists. The albums listed below are literally what I listened to the most over this last year. None of these records were included to seem “cool” or “hip.”

A couple of albums I really enjoyed, but won’t admit to most people are Bat for Lashes “Two Suns,” Phoenix’s “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix,” and Dirty Projectors “Bitte Orca.”

Overall, 2009 had some solid releases from some reliable bands, but lacked anything that I’m likely to consider “classic” down the road. There was no “Alopeica,” “The Ugly Organ” or “Microcastle.”

Most Listened to Albums of 2009
(not in any particular order)

WHY? – Eskimo Snow
Sonic Youth – The Eternal
Wilco - Wilco (the Album)
Dinosaur Jr. – Farm
Tortoise – Beacons of Ancestorship
The Flaming Lips – Embryonic
Built to Spill – There is No Enemy
Cursive - Mama, I'm Swollen
The Decemberists – The Hazards of Love
Girls – Album

Bear Driving Car Lives!

This last Saturday we "performed" with Bear Driving Car at The Rendezvous. As it was the end of the night our set was cut short, but we did manage to play, "Me So Horny," "Funk Soul Brother," "I Kissed A Girl," "In the Air Tonight," and "Believe." This show marked the third time this year the band has played, unusual in that we normally only play once a year on Halloween. The show ended with about 10 people dancing on stage with us. These last few shows have been unusual in that there have only been 4-5 "members," as opposed to the "near-orchestras" of the past.

For the last few shows, Adam has been using a sampler, and his "808" as opposed to live drums. It's made the sound even more pop (and ridiculous) than before. Recent addition "Bon Joey" has really added to the visual element of the performance. This last show he was shooting whipped cream down his pants, dancing and smashed the hell out of his Guitar Hero plastic guitar.



Group shot on Halloween.



Bear Driving Car live on Halloween!

Sorry for the Delay

I apologize to my many fans for the delay in new blogs. My monitor on my computer at home has broken, so my internet access is limited to work. I should have at least a temporary solution this week. I'll be "back in business" soon.

"I Need to Ship This Rapeseed Please"

One of the companies conducting research in my building is called Targeted Growth. Their work mostly consists of studying plant growth (especially algae) to be used for Bio Fuels. Anyway, yesterday one of the scientists, "Thu," brought me down a small envelope and asked me to ship it to Canada. "Sure I can do that Thu, what are you shipping?," I asked. "It's just these samples of Rapeseed," she replied. I was silenced, and stared at her with a look of shock. "Well OK, I'll get those out for you today then," I said, barely able to contain my laughter.



I looked them up, and I guess the "rapeseed" (also known as rape, oilseed rape, rapa, rapaseed)is bright yellow flowering member of the mustard and cabbage family.

What the hell? What kind of name is that for a flower? I was worried that the little seeds were going to jump out of their container and forcibly try to penetrate my anus. Or, what if you ate them and they had the same effect as roofies?

My Buddy and Me

[Phone rings]
Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?

[Addressing midget]
I didn't know you had elves working here.
Does Santa know that you left the workshop?
[Whispers] He's an angry elf.

Craislist Free Item of The Day: Vol 13 T- Day Dinner for you and your family

I've done 13 of these now, and here is one that is actually pretty sweet. This super generous lady "Aubrey" would be happy to have a complete stranger come over and eat like hell at their house on Thanksgiving. Unfortunately I read this today, December 1st, otherwise I might have gone:

Offer: T- Day Dinner for you and your family (Lake Stevens/Snohomish)

So, I have no family in the area... and I have like 30 lbs of turkey... I cook for a bajillion people on thanksgiving but only have myself, husband and a few others too feed...
I would love to share my Thanksgiving day with someone that just wants family and good company around, maybe dosnt want to eat alone, or just dosn't have the money to have the whole big dinner. (honestly I dont care what your situation is, I JUST want TOO SHARE, and dont want all this food too go to waste!!)
You can be alone, or you can have a spouse and a couple of kids, we have room! We are open, accepting and very easy too get along with! We do this every year and have made some great friends out of this tradition! So, If you don't have any thanksgiving day plans yet... send me a note... tell me about yourself and we can go from there!
We usually eat between 2:00p and 4:00 pm; Turkey, sweet potatoes, Green bean casarole, apple crisp, stuffing, home made cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, apple crisp, four layer dessert, salad and lord only knows what else! lol :0)
We would love to welcome you into our home :)
Please INCLUDE your phone number for fastest response, as I will be checking my email all day... Ill just call you directly so we can make sure that anyone that would like to come has plenty of time too get here.
Aubrey.